The Anatomy of Excuses: Why we make them (without even realising)

Excuses are somewhat like invisible seatbelts as they keep us strapped in, safe, contained, and away from risk. But they also keep us from moving forward. Most of the time, we do not even realise we are making them. They feel logical, even protective but underneath, excuses are usually less about truth and more about avoiding discomfort.

The problem is not that we make excuses, but that we are often blind to them.

Why do we make excuses?

Excuses are NOT about laziness but they are more about protection.

• Fear of failure: if I don’t try, I can’t fail.
• Fear of success: if I succeed, people will expect more of me.
• Avoiding discomfort: growth means stretching and stretching feels unsafe.
• Protecting identity: excuses shield us from having to change a story we have lived by.
• Autopilot protection: excuses often show up before we are even aware we have said them.

In other words, excuses soothe the nervous system in the short term, but they keep us circling the same patterns in the long term.

At their core, excuses reduce the tension between what I want and what I am doing.

Example:

• Goal: I want to be healthy.
• Action: I did not go for a run.
• Discomfort: ‘I am letting myself down’.
• Excuse: ‘I was too tired today’.

The excuse removes the discomforting pain, but it also removes progress.

Ten everyday excuses we all recognise, and some in our coaching and nutritional therapy practices:

1. ‘I don’t have time’, usually means: I haven’t made this a priority yet.Try this: say, ‘It’s not my priority right now’. Does that feel empowering or uncomfortable? That discomfort is a clue.
2. ‘I will start on Monday’., can mean: I am postponing discomfort for some future self. Try this: start with one tiny action today. The perfect moment rarely arrives.
3. ‘That’s just the way I am’. Really means: I am protecting my identity from change.Try this: ask yourself, ‘who decided that? what if the way I am is still evolving?’
4. ‘I am too tired’. Really means: I am drained, emotionally, mentally, or physically.Try this: Notice what kind of rest you actually need, and sometimes taking action restores energy more than it drains it.
5. It is not the right time’, can mean: I am afraid to start.Try this: ask, ‘If not now, when?’ Waiting often disguises fear.
6. ‘The remedy didn’t work’, can mean I expected a quick fix, Try this: ask ‘did something shift, even subtly (energy, sleep, emotions)?’
7. ‘I don’t have the money’ can mean that investing in myself feels harder to justify. Often, it’s not about a lack of money, but rather what feels ‘allowed’ or ‘worthy’ of investment.Try this: ask yourself ‘why is it easier to invest in escape (like a holiday) than in growth?’
8. ‘I don’t know how’. Really means: I do not want to risk imperfection.Try this: Not knowing is the starting line, curiosity beats certainty every time.
9. ‘Other people are better at this than me’, means comparison is holding me back.Try this: everyone starts somewhere, so instead of competing, ask, ‘what can I learn from them?’
10. ‘I don’t have a science background’, can mean ‘I am afraid I won’t understand or that I will look foolish.Try this: curiosity is more important than credentials, start with the basics and let your confidence build over time.

Victoria (Cohort 2022–2024) proves it is never too late to leap, no excuses!

“At 50 years old I took the leap to try something new – a passion but completely out of my comfort zone. I realised my biggest obstacle was my fear of failing – so I decided to do it just for the experience, with no pressure to be perfect or expected outcome. It’s one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.”

APPLY TODAY

Excuses and awareness

The ‘crazy’ part, even after reading these examples, is that your mind may still ‘tell you’ that ‘in my case, it really is true. I really am too busy. I really am too tired’.

And that is where awareness comes in. Awareness isn’t about forcing yourself to change. It is about noticing without judgement, what is ‘really’ going on. Anthony de Mello, the Jesuit priest and spiritual teacher, put it this way:

“What you are aware of, you are in control of. What you are not aware of is in control of you.”

Most of the time, excuses control us because they hide in the unconscious. We don’t say, ‘I am making an excuse right now’, (unless you are aware), we say, I am being realistic’. Awareness is simply catching the trick. It’s that moment of recognition: ‘Ah, that is not true, that’s. protection’.

How awareness works with excuses

1. Spot the pattern. Notice the words you repeat often, ‘I don’t have time’, ‘I will do it later’, ‘that’s just who I am’. These phrases are the nervous system ‘playing’ safe.
2. Pause before reacting. Instead of instantly believing your excuse, take a breath, create a gap between the excuse and the decision.
3. Ask a deeper question. Instead of ‘Is this true?’ ask ‘what am I avoiding?’ or ‘what’s the fear underneath?’ This is what can move you forward!
4. Let it be uncomfortable. Awareness can ‘sting’. When you catch yourself making an excuse, the ego gets hurt, but that discomfort is the doorway to growth.

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Awareness is so powerful

The beauty of awareness is that it doesn’t demand change—it invites it. When you become aware of your excuses, you don’t need to fight them. You just see them for what they are. And once you see them clearly, they lose much of their power.

Anthony de Mello put it this way:

“Don’t try to change. Don’t try to force growth. Just be aware. And you’ll be amazed at how things change all by themselves.”

So the work is not about bulldozing through excuses with sheer willpower. It is about gently noticing them, over and over, until one day you realise you don’t need them anymore, and this is liberation.

Awareness in everyday life

Imagine catching yourself saying, ‘I will start on Monday.’ Instead of rolling with it, you pause and notice, ‘There it is, that old excuse again.’ You don’t have to overhaul your life immediately. Just the act of seeing the excuse weakens it. Over time, that awareness shifts things. Instead of postponing, you take a small action today. Instead of hiding behind ‘I am too tired’, ask yourself what kind of rest or energy you really need.

This is the quiet liberation awareness brings; there is less autopilot and more choice.

Excuses are normal. Everyone makes them. They are not the ‘issue’, the issue is when they stay hidden. With awareness, excuses stop being barriers and start being ‘teachers’. They show us:

• where we are scared
• where we are holding back
• where we are ready to grow

And once we are aware? We are free to choose.

To health!

From the team at the New School Of Nutritional Medicine

Learn about the Founder & Principal of the New School of Nutritional Medicine, Dr Khush Mark PhD, HERE.